Meeting a Royal? An American Countess Reveals a Secret Etiquette You Must Know
American Countess Julie Montagu explained that curtsies and bows are largely symbolic today, rooted in history, rather than obligation.
If you've ever dreamed of meeting King Charles or Queen Camilla and wondered whether you're supposed to curtsy, bow, or shake hands, you're not alone. According to American-born Countess of Sandwich, Julie Montagu, the rules aren't nearly as intimidating as they may seem. She explains that traditional gestures like curtsies and bows are largely symbolic today, rooted in history rather than obligation, and offers tips on how to master the perfect bow or curtsy.
In a TikTok video, Montagu revealed that royal etiquette has its roots in medieval court, where every moment around the monarch signified 'royalty and rank.' She said that "etiquette became less about fear of the monarch, and more about expressing respect." Rather than inducing fear and nervousness, it became a "social choreography that held society together." While some of those practices, like bowing and curtsying, are still practiced by some people while meeting a royal, she stressed that today's etiquette expectations are "much gentler and more symbolic."
Further in the clip, she explained how men and women can ace this symbolic etiquette if they ever come across a royal family member. "Traditionally, men perform a neck bow—just a gentle nod of the head, not dipping your head into your chest. When in doubt, just a warm smile and a polite greeting are perfectly appropriate when you meet a royal." For women, she said, curtsying could be a little daunting, considering its everyday non-applicability. She added, "But if you do choose to curtsy, it's all about subtlety…it's a soft, gracious curtsy, a tiny, graceful dip."
The Countess also specified that not curtsying or bowing to a royal is seldom seen as disrespectful, as it's always optional. She continued, "There is no law, no rule book, and no royal punishment if you don't curtsy." While the etiquette of when to curtsy and who to bow to first can be confusing, the stakes of meeting a royal are slim. "You're not about to be sent to the Tower of London. It's a choice, and it's entirely up to you," she said.
Additionally, when meeting a member of the royal family, it's polite to wait to be introduced, address them formally by their title, and follow their lead in conversation. It's best to avoid physical contact unless they initiate it, keep your phone away, and dress neatly. A calm, respectful manner matters more than strict rules.
